My parents were divorced when I was 9 and I grew up with my mother. When I was around 11, she developed an alcohol problem and as the oldest child I took on the responsibility of trying to keep her sober. For long periods she was a non-drinking alcoholic, but there were also fallbacks. And being addicted, she could not be trusted when it was about alcohol, leading me to mistrust her and becoming more of a guardian than a son. So this was a part of my life until she died 20 years ago.
Both my mother and father were troubled souls, kind and loving, but also both with a deep feeling of not being adequate parents and generally not too happy about life. So last year I decided to get each of them a plaque for All Souls. Basically I had tried for many years to forget about them, not visiting the graveyard and telling myself that I did not have any need for it.
A few months after All Souls, I was meditating and I got a feeling of great compassion for my mother with myself as a child, and through the compassion I found forgiveness. Through this forgiveness I was able to feel the love I had for my mother again. I am now able to remember my mother and my childhood without pain. I would not have been able to say how deeply I have been impacted by growing up under these circumstances, but the relief of letting go of this pain, experiencing compassion, forgiveness and love is profound.
After that I was able to visit the graveyard and I see both my parents as well as my younger self in another light.
So naturally this year I got plaques for both of them again and enjoyed being able to chant for All Souls with the wonderful feeling of love and compassion. I really feel that All Souls can benefit the living as much as the dead. I am sure I would never have experienced this release, without his teachings and practise of all the Taoist Tai Chi® arts.
