This past year of training has been deeply important to me. I am full of gratitude for all the help I have received. This year has been a harsh year personally.
I have been off work since February 2020 with a significant neurological problem that is affecting the balance centers in my brain, thus making my vision and balance wonky. I have ataxia and something called oscillopsia, which makes it so that if I do not concentrate, I walk like I am intoxicated even though I am not. I have pain that is considered by doctors to be severe, radiating from damage to the nerves in my feet, legs, torso, pelvis, neck, and face.
My left kidney is swollen and damaged, and I have pain like someone gets with a kidney stone. My esophagus and stomach do not work properly. This is all caused by an autoimmune/genetic condition attacking my brain, spinal cord, the nerves that go throughout my body, and some of my organs. Thankfully, there is treatment by immunoglobulins being infused weekly into my abdomen, but the condition is something I will have for life.
My husband was taking care of me and keeping me strong by doing all the cooking, cleaning, and heavier important stuff. Then in December 2020, he suffered a stroke from a bleed in his brain. He has been off work ever since. He is still walking and talking but his ability to draw and be an artist has been impacted. He has visual, auditory, and global memory problems. He has a severe daily headache, and he is still quite weak. I now have become his caretaker! Thank God I have the energy from my practice to do this!! He needs my help. He is slowly getting back to himself.
I seriously do not know what I would have done this past year without the support of the Fung Loy Kok Institute of Taoism. I was able to go to our International Centre in Orangeville from late Spring to Late Fall 2020 and spend days there helping my body get strong. I was able to work on some projects for our website and social media team. I was helping at the Branch level with chanting and some administration and then I was able to help at the regional level on the CRMC. All of this has kept me strong and focused on the present and on creating a strong future for myself and my husband. The training has kept me sane. Focusing on other things where I can help has kept me sane. Being able to help is SO important to the spirit. It has made it so I am not curled up in a ball feeling sorry for myself. In fact, I am stronger in many ways than I was prior to the pandemic and prior to having to stop work. I still have my health issues and I still have pain, but the pain is SO helped by practice of his teachings. My husband is still sick. But we are not destroyed. I am still here, and I am not depressed or sad. I am mostly happy today. I look forward to each day. Not only that but even though I should be walking like someone who is inebriated, I walk a straight and perfect line. I can do a set with balance and coordination.
Last fall I had a very bad flare that hurt my brain. It lasted several months. It was rough for a while but here I am. Still able to do kicks and not fall! Still able to help and participate.
My doctors are quite astounded at my spirit and my physical ability to move and stay active. I am chanting, meditating, and doing foundation exercises at home. I feel a wonderful sense of being humbled. When my circulation is working my whole being including my spirit is calm and happy. I know that without my practice and without the help of Fung Loy Kok Institute of Taoism that my life would certainly be a stressful mess.
I cannot put into words how much your help means to me and to my family.
